Log in

No account? Create an account
laptop, geek, MacBook, bursting, breakout


Matt's LiveJournal

Random ramblings of a programmer, photographer, journalist and runner

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
laptop, geek, MacBook, bursting, breakout

On the Edge

I'm feeling quite on the edge of things recently. I mean, a bit transitional. Liminal, as I've been noticing that William Gibson likes to say. I feel like there should be more change going on in my life, and that there probably will be, any minute now. And that perhaps I should be the agent of that change, but that I'm not being.

I also feel a bit lacking in integrity, by which I mean that I'm very often thinking one thing, but doing the other. Which is not that brilliant for my sanity. Or doing counterproductive things, like bumping up the jogging but at the same time bumping up the amount of food I'm eating, and therefore still not losing any weight at all (as I've observed elsewhere recently, I've been jogging for nearly eighteen months now, and have transformed myself from a fat bloke, to a fat bloke with muscular legs. Bleh.)

I'm letting things go by the wayside, too. You may have noticed an absence of "photo of the month" posts the last couple of months. I'm so far behind in my photo processing that I've not got around to September yet. There's two holidays' worth of stuff to look through for good ones since then.

I'd quite like the world to stop for a month or two to give me a chance to catch up, but at the same time I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I want to do that I've been defaulting to sitting on a sofa watching slightly rubbish TV while eating chocolate just a tad too often, too.

I didn't actually have a point here -- sorry if you were expecting one -- but "post to LJ more" is one of the many things that have been in my cluttered mental to-do list for far too long, so I figured a quick post about what was going on in my head at the moment would be good.

In more concrete, real-world news, I had a lovely weekend -- although I got Very Pissed1 on Saturday night and then had to struggle back to Bristol from London, but that was to have a lovely Sunday with Kavey and Pete, so it all worked out in the end. Lovely meals, lovely company. If you're in Bristol at any point, I think we can pretty heartily recommend both the Bath Ales "Graze Bar and Chophouse" on Queen Square and also the little Rosemarino cafe in Clifton Village (on what used to be the site of the York Cafe, since demolished and rebuilt...)

I'm sure Kavey will be posting rather more details than that on her excellent foodie blog at some point :)

And that's about all I can think of at the moment.

1One of the liminal states I'm in is the state between "teetotal" and "drinking again", and I'm still not sure how I'm feeling about that one.

  • 1
You have my sympathy for the way you're feeling at the minute. I've been feeling a little of that, but not to the same degree. There are things I'd like to be doing, and things I have to do instead of those. Work falls into the latter category, so even though I'm in a good role I feel rather disconnected from it all.

Part of me wondered if it's just my upcoming holidays, or if my Dad was right and we get more disaffected by routine as we get older.

On a related note: I too got very pissed on Saturday night.

I think most of my subsidiary problems stem from (a) being in the wrong job, and (b) being a little lonely. But I tend to transform those problems, that I don't want to think about, into problems I'm used to, like eating too much and boozing. Hrm. Well, I'm sure self-awareness is a decent first step to figuring out what to do...

If you figure out how to get the universe to pause for a month, please send me the secret incantation. I could really use some time doing something other than studying/working, like photo processing or blogging or hell, even seeing some of these people called "friends".

Still, good luck with things. Will you be gunning for your boss's job?

Indeed. And no, I will most definitely not be gunning for my boss's job. There's no chance I'd get it, and no chance I'd want it.

Basically, I'm happily being rather technical and not being in charge of anyone, whereas my boss has responsibility for a couple of teams of people and at least two other directors, but had to be shown what the scroll-wheel on his mouse was for a couple of months back. There's not much in the way of vertical mobility between our roles, in either direction :) The fact that he's my immediate boss is to do with the odd role I'm in and the relatively small size of the company...

It was a lovely weekend, thank you SO much for having us AND for epic achievement of being such good host on just 3 hours sleep!

I think all of us go through phases of not being satisfied with where we're at... loosely defined ideas of where we want to be instead make it hard to move in that direction, which is usually the problem for me.

Yes. That's my main problem: I still don't know what I want to do. I can't really imagine a perfect job for myself. Or even one I'd particularly like, I don't think. Hrm.

  • 1