Matt Gibson (gothick_matt) wrote,
Matt Gibson
gothick_matt

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Humbug

So. I've not posted too much recently; mostly that's because of the impending C-word, which normally leaves me feeling distinctly annoyed and sad, oddly. I don't really know when I stopped enjoying Christmas, or at least the run-up to Christmas.

I did have a success a couple of years ago, when I started thinking about it early, rather than doing my usual procrastination, and put a fair bit of energy into it. That went quite well. This is probably because I'm actually not too bad at finding things for people if I have lots of time to think about it, time to order stuff on the net, and get to the shops before they're completely packed full of angry-looking consumers, and on the roads before they're a tangled metal jam of frustrated shoppers.

This year is not one of the years where I got around to doing anything Christmassy early. And now I'm panicked and depressed, and I seem to be even more of a mass of "but I'm an atheist, and even if I wasn't I don't quite get along with all this hysterical product-buying" (which is hypocritical bearing in mind the fact that all through the year I'm a regular impulse-buyer of crap) than usual. And I appear to be generating even more run-on sentences with parenthetical diversions than normal, too.

Erm.

Partly it's probably got something to do with not having kids. Or a Significant Other, for that matter. Partly it's because I never know what to buy for people, and even when I do I don't think I've got it right. My paranoia works overtime at this time of year.

This year the fact that I've been working without a break for quite a long time probably isn't helping. I'm also at the not-so-great stage where Christmas seems to have been going on for a month or so, but I've not done the redeeming "spending time with real mates" thing yet, although that will change this weekend, at least. All I've really had so far is the office Christmas party, which I exited from early because I really wasn't in the mood.

Sigh.

I don't think it's been this bad for a few years. I've not even wrapped a single present yet. I've sent just one card. And I just don't want to start, but I also want it all to be finished so I can forget all about it. Arse.

Oh, and my foot hurts, and I've not been to karate for three weeks now because it's not been getting better, and I had a frustrating and fruitless attempt to book some physiotherapy today, and everything just seems to be very hard work right now.

Right. Rant over, for now. Bah. Humbug. Etc. etc. Normal optimistic silliness will be resumed at some point. Possibly in 2007, though, so don't hold your breath.
Tags: christmas, depression, feh, humbug
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