A moment of stillness. The ranks of white-clad bodies stand for just a second, waiting. Waiting for the next call, for the order to advance. I wonder if I should be there at all. I wonder what I'm doing. I wonder. Sokuto fumikomi, the side-stamping kick to the knee. From a well-balanced fighting stance -- I'm in migi hanmi gamae, the right fighting stance -- I lift my left leg, bringing it forward, past my right, holding on one leg, still facing square to the front with the left knee raised at waist height. Then, having demonstrated my balance, my potential for moving either backwards or forwards from this point, I make my decision My hips twist as my body pivots on the ball of my right foot, and momentum erupts from my centre to travel down my leg, which straightens with a powerful thrust as it stamps down and forward.
If an opponent's knee had been in the way, it would have been broken. Here, in practice, my foot hangs in midair for a beat, twisted slightly to put the edge of the foot toward the target, the big toe pulled upwards to help with the form. I withdraw the foot and step down, with control. In a real fight, you might jump into this kick, stamping downward with all your body weight concentrating into your opponent's knee, breaking the complex and fragile joint easily, tearing ligaments asunder, rending tendons from their bony anchors.
That's why I'm not sure I should be here. Would I ever really want to do that? To commit someone to hospital, to traction or surgery or endless sessions of physiotherapy? I've had knee injuries. Once I came off a snowboard and smashed a knee into a carelessly-placed Alp at high speed. It wasn't a good experience. I was limping for weeks, and still having a therapist treat the haematoma with tickling ultrasound months later. Would I be prepared to inflict this on someone else, deliberately?
So my form was not good, and my kick was unconvincing, and my sensei raised a small wiry eyebrow, which was all he needed to say.
My next sokuto fumikomi, the side-stamping kick to the knee, was from from hidari hanmi gamai, the left fighting stance, and was much better.
A thought that has occurred to me in some tai chi classes. At least at the stage I'm currently at there is a wider gulf between form and application.